Jim Adams Blog

A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

MY COUSIN DIED TODAY. OK, FAIR ENOUGH, COUSINS DIE EVERY DAY, BUT THIS ONE WAS A SPECIAL COUSIN, A FRIEND. COLIN POTTER WAS FOUR YEARS YOUNGER THAN I, HE CAME TO LIVE WITH US DURING THE LATE 1930'S AFTER HIS MOTHER DIED, HIS FATHER LEN WAS AN ARMY OFFICER AND WAS BUSY FIGHTING THE WAR, SO COLIN AND I GREW UP TOGETHER. WE WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOLS, AND WE WENT TO THE SAME ICE RINK. BECAUSE OF THE WAR MY TWO BROTHERS WERE OFF FIGHTING SO COLIN FILLED THE GAP, I THOUGHT HIM MORE AS A BROTHER THAN A COUSIN. LATER ON IN LIFE WE MET UP AGAIN FOR A FEW YEARS UNTIL MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN DREW US APART. COLIN MARRIED VAL, A NURSE, A SUPERB GIRL, SHE NOW HAS TO FACE LIFE ALONE, WITHOUT COLIN. NOW I KNOW I KEEP CALLING HIM 'COLIN', BUT HIS REAL NAME WAS 'FRED', HE WASN'T CHRIOSTENED THAT, BUT HE WAS ALWAYS CALLED FRED BY HIS FRIENDS, IN FACT HE USUALLY CALLED EVERYONE ELSE 'FRED' AS WELL - WHICH MAY SEEM CONFUSING, BUT THAT WAS FRED! FRED AND VAL NEVER HAD ANY CHILDREN - WHICH WAS A SHAME, HE WOULD HAVE MADE A SWELL DAD. DAMN IT FRED, IT IS AN AWFUL SHAME THAT YOU HAD TO GO SO SOON - THERE ARE STILL A FEW PINTS IN THE BARREL. I'LL SIP A GLASS OR TWO FOR YOU MATE, GOD SPEED, I'LL MISS YOU OLD SON, THE WORLD IS NOW A POORER PLACE. "FOR THOSE WE LOVED, THE LOVELIEST AND THE BEST; THAT FROM THIS VINTAGE ROLLING TIME HATH PRESSED, HAVE DRUNK THEIR CUP A ROUND OR TWO BEFORE, AND ONE BY ONE CREPT SILENTLY TO REST...'

FELIXSTOWE

FELIXSTOWE - WHAT A MESS THE TOWN CENTRE IS - ALL THOSE CAREFULLY PUT DOWN PAVING STONES, JUST TWO YEARS AGO, NOW BEING DUG UP AND REPLACED AGAIN - LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE! YOU, THE VOTERS, MUST GET RID OF THE APPALING OLD DINOSAURS WHO RUN THE COUNCIL - THEY WILL COMPLETELY RUIN THE TOWN - IF IT HAS NOT ALREADY BEEN DONE, VOTE THEM OUT, GET NEW YOUNG BLOOD, AND GET THE SYSTEM INSTALLED THAT ALLOWS THE PEOPLE TO VOTE IN THE MAYOR - AND GIVES THE MAYOR THE POWER TO GET SHOT OF COUNCILLORS WHO SCREW UP!. OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH THE SHELL OF A TOWN THAT SITS NEXT TO A LARGE DOCK! - AND NO ONE WILL COME AND CRY OVER THE ASHES. TALK TREVOPR LOCKWOOD INTO STANDING FOR COUNCIL (RADIO FELIXSTOWE) HE IS YOUR MAN.

AUSTRALIA

AUSTRALIA - THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD NOT TO BE AFFECTED BY THE RECESSION, IT'S ECONOMY GREW BY 2.7% AND STILL ON THE WAY UP! GO THERE KIDS, THERE IS NOTHIING FOR YOU ON THIS SIDE OF THE WORLD.

LETTER TO DAVID CAMERON

HI DAVE IT'S ME, ONE OF THE FOLK WHO WILL BE VOTING FOR YOU. WANT TO REALLY WIN - YOU KNOW, BIG LANDSLIDE VICTORY? SIMPLE, GIVE A REFERENDUM ON EUROPE - TGHE DAY AFTER YOU ARE ELECTED - GIVE US A CHANCE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE DISLIKE THE BUNCH OVER THERE. THEN PULL THE TROOPS OUT OF AFGHANISTAN, NOT IN TWO YEARS TIME - NOW! YOU WILL NEVER WIN, AND MORE YOUNG LADS WILL DIE NEEDLESSLY. GOOD LUCK FRIEND, WITHOUT DOING THESE TWO THINGS YOU WILL NEED IT!

ELECTION FEARS

I HAVE VERY LITTLE FAITH IN THE POLLS - THEY ARE HARDLY EVER ACCURATE, BUT FOR ANYONE TO EVEN JOKINGLY SAY THAT LABOUR MAY STILL WIN IS SICK! LABOUR HAS DRAGGED THIS COUNTRY BACK INTO THE 12TH CENTURY. WE NOW HAVE NON-POLICE FORCE MADE UP OF IMBICILES, LAZY, UNCARING YOBS IN BLUE UNIFORMS. THE SCHOOLS ARE A JOKE - KIDS GRADUATE BARELY ABLE TO SPELL THEIR OWN NAMES. THE HOSPITALS ARE IN SUCH A STATE HARDLY ANYONE - UNLESS DESPERATE - WANT TO VISIT. THE ROADS ARE BETTER IN ZAMBIA THAM IN BRITAIN. PENSIONERS FREEZE TO DEATH WHILE BANKERS AWARD THEMSELVES MILLIONS. JUST ABOUT EVERY POLITICIAN IS BENT. THE ARMY IS ILL EQUIPTED AND FIGHTING A WAR NO ONE WANTS. YOBS RULE THE STREETS IN MOST TOWNS. SHOPS ARE CLOSING EVERY WHERE YOU LOOK, AND 79 PUBS A WEEK ARE BEING FORCED TO CLOSE. THAT OTHER BRITISH WAY OF LIFE - THE FISH AND CHIPS - IS SO EXPENSIVE FILET STEAK IS CHEAPER. LABOUR HAS DONE MOERE DAMAGE TO THIS COUNTRY THAN HITLER.

EEJITS! (IDIOTS TO YOU!)

IS THIS THE SILLY SEASON? PROFESSOR NEVILLE NICHOLLS OF MONASH UNIVERSITY,MELBOURNE - OZ CLAIMS THAT THE PERIOD BETWEEN NOVEMBER LAST YEAR AND THIS JANUARY IS THE HOTTEST PERIOD WE HAVE EVER SEEN!! I CAN ONLY THINK THAT TOO MANY TINNIES OF 4X MAY BE THE PROBLEM HERE! THEN THERE IS THE TRAGIC CASE OF THE TRAINER DROWNED BY A KILLER WHALE - ORCA ORCA IN REAL TERMS, THIS 12,000 CREATURE HAS BEEN HELD IN A TANK BARELY BIG ENOUGH FOR A DOZEN GOLDFISH - IMPRISONED, INSTEAD OF BEING ALLOWED TO ROAM THE SEVEN SEAS - WHAT WOULD ANY ONE DO IN THIS SITUATION? THE WHALE ACTED NATURALLY, AND STRUCK OUT AGAINST IT'S JAILERS. KEEPING ANY WILD CREATURE IMPRISONED IS WRONG - WE HAVE ONLY OURSELVES TO BLAME. THE OTHER 'EEJIT' ITEM IS ALLOWING BANKERS TO REAP BONUSES - HORSEWHIP THEN SHOOT THE BASTARDS - THEY ARE ALL CROOKS!

POINT ONE PERCENT

Now according to Dettol, and one or two other products, their capability - destruct wise - is 99.9% of all known germs! This leaves a staggering amount of germs - known and otherwise - that still manage to survive! What, you may ask, happens to all these un destroyed germs, this 'one percent'? This is like killing ALL the weeds in your garden but one, which means at the end of the summer your garden is once again swamped with weeds! I am assuming that is that once percent germ has managed to outlive the Dettol etc. killers, then it must be a very powerful germ, and well worthy of the title 'Super Germ', making it one to reckon with! Maybe we should hold out for something a little stronger than Dettol etc.?

JUDGES LIMITS

JUDGES SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO JUDICATE IN SITUATIONS THAT INVOLVE BANKS, BUILDING SOCIETIES AND CREDIT CARD COMPANIES VERSUS CITIZENS. JUDGES are a part of the Establishment, and by definition they hold a place in the Establishment that makes them a part and parcel of this system. Judges are required to show an impartial , fair, and unbiassed approach to the judicial system - this they cannot do for the following reasons. IF a Judge holds a mortgage, has a Bank Loan, or holds a credit card, or if he/she has any investment in any of the Banking systems, then said Judge CANNOT show an unbiassed attitude towards the Financial System - they are in a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and therefore unable to show impartiality. Any trial taking place between a Private Citizen and the Financial Institutions would have to show that the Judge - almost certain to hold an affiliation with either, or all, of these Institutions, would, by associtaion, be shown to be biased. The only fair hearing would have to be presided over by a small panel of laymen

AFGHANISTAN AGAIN

SO A BIG PUSH HAS STARTED AGAINST THE TALIBAN - AND ALL THE TALIBAN HAVE GONE! WELL THEY AREN'T SILLY ARE THEY, THEY WILL WAIT UNTIL THE YANKS AND BRITS AND AFGHAN FORCES HAVE GONE HOME - THEN THEY WILL COME OUT AGAIN AND CARRY ON! OH YES, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB GUYS, YOU HAVE REALLY CONVINCED THE AFGHAN PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE THERE TO HELP THEM - 12 KILLED - CIVILIANS? I'LL BET THEY ARE REALLY CONVINCED! WITH FRIENDS LIKE US YOU DON'T NEED ENEMIES! IT IS A REAL DUMB WAR, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF IT!

A 'PET' HATE

I HATE ADVERTS THAT USE ANIMALS WITH DUBBED IN HUMAN VOICES AND HUMAN ACTIVITIES. ANIMALS - ESPECIALLY DOGS, ARE LOVELY CREATURES AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO PORTRAY HUMAN ACTIVITY - ESPECIALLY IN ADVERTISING, IT IS STUPID, AND LOOKS IT! IF YOU ADVERTISERS WANT TO MAKE HUMANS LOOK SILLY THEN DO SO - LEAVE ANIMALS OUT OF IT!